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1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too
many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked
where the car was, she told me, "In the lake!"
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days, then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said,
"No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have
to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with
the words... "GOD BLESS" with a big smile on his face.
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too
many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked
where the car was, she told me, "In the lake!"
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days, then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said,
"No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have
to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with
the words... "GOD BLESS" with a big smile on his face.
| RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE |
| Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. Know how to prevent sagging skin & wrinkles? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff i n my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing!!! |
